Fall break… and a little bit of thankful!

"To make bread or love, to dig in the earth, to feed an animal or cook for a stranger - these activities require no extensive commentary, no lucid theology. All they require is someone willing to bend, reach, chop, stir. Most of these tasks are so full of pleasure that there is no need to complicate things by calling them holy. And yet these are the same activities that change lives, sometimes all at once and sometimes more slowly, the way dripping water changes stone. In a world where faith is often construed as a way of thinking, bodily practices remind the willing that faith is a way of life".
~ Barbara Brown Taylor

I love Thanksgiving! It is my most favorite time of the year, I love the smells, the decorations, the dishes, the chopping, the food, the feeling off fullness, and the family and friends that fill my kitchen or the kitchens of others. This year our thanksgiving was spread out among many days. And, it was wonderful!

About thanks. Y’all know that I am incredibly thankful! Hopefully, my children will know that we are very grateful for the lives that we have been given. Whether it be from the cloth banner that hangs in the entryway of our kitchen, from the many thank-you’s that we say throughout their childhood. Our thanks for not only the good food, but for a safe home, our health, well- trained doctors, awesome friends, and cool toys. The things that I just mentioned are important, believe me! But, I want my children to be able to rattle those things off just as easy as they can say “I love you”- to me that is most important.  Not just once a year. Hopefully, our reasons to be grateful, wont fade through the years.

This year we talked about the things that we were grateful for- which ranged from those less original, however still very important things such as houses, schooling, family. However, there were also the other “things” to be grateful for such as leukemia,  Be The Match- for providing that special bone marrow donor… things that changed our lives forever. Giving thanks isn’t the best part about Thanksgiving.

The best things come when no ones really watching. It’s when the kitchen is pure chaos, dishes are being removed from the oven and being hot-padded to the serving table, the families huddled on the couch listening  and watching  he roaring football game, and the laughter heard around the room. That’s the good stuff! That is what makes me want to grab the kids, and tell them that THIS… is Thanksgiving! This right here, is being thankful!

Last year I learned so many important things. I think that I have tried to convey many of those throughout the last year. But, one thing that I learned was that the true meaning of gratitude arrives on its own. I just hope that my children truly get it! I hope that they are reminded that there are so many countries in the world that have hungry people and lack clothing to cover their backs, and that there are some people in our county that have the same misfortunes. However, there are also people who live near us, in our little town, that also have the same problems… sometimes we fail to recognize it. Because, there things don’t happen to the people that we know- right?

This year, our family hosted a Thanksgiving dinner at our house for my side of the family. Little did my children know, there was a homeless man who sat at our table. You would have never known, and they sure didn’t recognize it either. He was a friend of my uncle, who has just had some tough times. He, was very thankful for the meal put before him and the wholesome welcome that he had given him at our house. That’s what it is about! At our house, you don’t have to receive an invite to show up. And, we sure aren’t going to turn anyone away.

Being able to provide for others, is one of the best feelings in the world.  So yes, I am very thankful tonight. Thankful that I have a heart that remains thankful for the big things! The things that we are given are gifts… we don’t deserve anything given to us! I hope that we are reminded that we should be thankful all year long- not just one night.

My goals for the next few weeks: One- completing my 3^rd semester of nursing school. immediately after December 13^th- I plan on focusing on simplicity because, usually I tend to oscillate between challenging myself to be just like I used to be (decorating up my entire house, planning the entire holiday season all December long…) and wanting to curl up on the sofa and do absolutely nothing. This season, the sofa side is winning!

Happy November y’all! XOXO Kristin

In Case You Wondered...

“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story & hustle for your worthiness”.

Doesn’t that ring true for each and every one of us?

Which brings up a good point. I have lacked in the whole blog business. With Facebook, texting and blogging added with and everything else we do, we tend to lose the real connections with the ones we love the most- hence the kiddos, husband, friends… you name it. It’s like the virtual world is more important that those right in front of you, which is absolutely absurd when you think about it. I am probably the guiltiest of all! It all seems to be easier, and less time consuming- or so it seems. Most of the time, my phone is on silent when I am at home- mainly because noises unnerve me. I know weird huh! But the reason that I want to really believe to be true…- the people I love are right in front of me and I really don’t care who else is texting me or calling (not that I don’t love my friends and family), and I am not checking on dings and rings … but I am studying, reading, or cooking dinner or running (which I have not done since this horrid semester began) or snuggling on the sofa or learning how to play or talking –like really talking – to my family. Honestly, I think it would be really nice to be able to let go of Facebook- for good (especially now that it is election season), but it just isn’t possible. Too many old friends, new friends and long distance family to keep in touch with. However, when I shut it all off…I feel better, more grounded and content. And how crazy that it takes hiding my phone or leaving it on silent, before the outside world and all it’s demands cannot reach me.

I also thought about giving up blogging. My posts are so few and far between each one of them. So when I really think about stopping, I think about the real reason that I began it in the first place. I wanted: one- for all those interested to know the real story, that often included dreaded words flung together in nonsense sentences, that I never dreamed would ever come out of my mouth. But I wanted YOU to know the truth, as ugly as it was! Second, I wanted the girls’ to have a story book about their lives- our lives- uncensored. Because I knew that oneday, when they were old enough to understand the curve balls that were thrown at our family, they would get the most accurate answers. We seem to forget things. Some by chance, some by choice. Anyway, I often begin posts, on my phone, then I delete them. But somewhere down the road, I find myself wanting to tell our story, any story, or thoughts… and then I decide to share. And today, I am not deleting it.

Do you want to hear something exciting? I registered for my final- yes I said FINAL semester of classes on Monday. I yearn for May 2013! This is such an exciting thing- for myself and my classmates! The statistics of making it to graduation in nursing school, are pretty slim. We began with a class of 29. Our class lost 9 folks last year! But, we gained 3 very deserving ladies who add so much character to our class. 

I cannot wait to finally regain control over my life.

It’s the little things. For instance… I have the incredible fortune of having the best girlfriends a person could ask for, but they have all been put on the back burner for a year and half while everything at my house has gone completely crazy.. Things are different now, and I am still trying to adjust. But, I look forward to seeing their faces and reading their body language. Making friendships with effort that I will have to give. Soon…

And to sleep more. These 4:00 a.m.’s are killin’ me! I look forward to sleep. And letting things roll off my back. Because, I will have all the time in the world! And concerning myself with loving and raising my family and letting everything else find it’s way. Because it always does.

There is nothing wrong with taking stock of your life and changing it when it no longer makes you happy. And, that is what I have done. I feel bad for even seeming like I am complaining, because I am really not. Nursing school offered me an outlet, when nothing else did. The odds were really against me in making it this far. I have formed friendships that have forever changed my life. I have grown tremendously in the past year. Like I said, life always has a way of finding itself.

Daniel is still doing great. Since my last post, here are a few things to catch you up on. At his one-year check-up, he had some spots in his mouth that were of somewhat concern. He was referred on to a mouth surgeon. The spots were biopsied, and everything was benign. So, that is good news! We will continue to monitor the situation for a while as they could eventually become cancerous. He has received 3 immnunoglobulin treatments in Cape, and will receive 3 more before they recheck his immune status. We are coming up on cold and flu season, so prayers for a healthy next 5 months! No real news. Oh, so yes, there is big news! The prescription that was costing us around $4,600 bucks a month- there is possibility that we can begin to receive it through mail-order, and not have any costs out-of-pocket! Do you know how much of a relief that would be? Patiently waiting…

I really hoped to have a new picture of the girls to share with you. But, I don’t. Tis the time of the year when we attempt to create that oh-so-perfect Christmas card. The girls visited Ms. Sheena last week at Esprit Jolie Photography. Sneak peaks to come. It is killing me. You will not believe how grown up all 3 of them are- I promise!

Hitting publish now...I have an exam to study for!

Until next time…XOXO, Kristin

Weekend Wrap-Up

“ My mother had a good deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”

                                                Mark Twain, chapters from my autobiography

Saw this quote and immediately thought of Mia. I have no idea what it is, but the kid is definitely at her terrible twos, and has been for a while. The sad thing is that… One, her birthday isn’t until September 7^th, Two, she is so darn cute.

Today, I am treading water. Classes begin tomorrow. I transcribed my class calendar and clinical rotation schedule into my planner and immediately realized that for the next 16 or so weeks, my life is pretty much nursing. This afternoon, I cleaned, did every bit of dirty and “could be dirty” laundry, and tried to get my mind in sync with conquering the next several weeks. However, Mia had other plans. Like eating. Coloring on the walls with a sharpie. Wanting to play. You know, have attention bestowed upon her. The nerve, right?

How did I end up with 3 very noisy kids? When I am so noise adverse? Is that just the way it works?

Moving on for a quick weekend re-cap.

Aren’t the things in life the ones that you have to work the hardest for? The ones that challenge you, surprise you? That is what nursing school has been for me. Not just a challenge, but also an outlet for me to be me, move on, and it has placed some of the greatest people in my life in which, I would have never, ever met.

Saturday, I received a letter in the mail from the Endowment Trust of the college in which I attend, in which congratulated on me as the recipient of an anonymous donation that would cover a huge amount of my tuition for the Fall 2012 semester. I am continually amazed at the kindness and generosity of the many people that have rallied around my family during the times in which we most needed it.

Thank you to those of you who have supported me and an idea that was once was a crazy idea. You all have helped me turn it into… a beautiful idea. To the individual/ individuals that made my fall tuition a little bit easier, I want to give you a huge Thank-You from the very bottom of my heart. Never in a million years would I have ever thought someone would think that much of me or believe in me!  

We attended the 19^th Blood and Bone Marrow Celebration last night in St. Louis. Once we entered the ballroom in which it was located, both of us kind of stopped in our foot tracks as we tried really hard to find two empty seats. We were definitely newbies at this event. Luckily, a really nice lady invited us to grab two seats at their table. The venue was packed full of 900+ people! After dinner, the presentation quickly got under way. The speakers were absolutely moving! It is so beautiful to see people like Daniel, functioning so well. The most moving part of the celebration was when Dr. DiPersio mentioned in closing remarks that he was going to be raffling off 2 round-trip tickets to a member of the audience. Then, he spoke of a woman from Memphis, TN, and preceded to bring her up on the stage, spoke about her and then, out of nowhere, brought her donor into the room, for her to meet for the very first time. All the way from Germany. For the event, he learned to speak a very small amount of English- just enough to say how happy he was to fulfill the dreams and future for that very woman. There was not a dry eye in the room- promise. Lucky gal, she is. I yearn for the day that we may one-day find out more about the remarkable gentleman that saved Daniels’ life. It was a phenomenal event!

There is never a moment that I don’t count each and every single one of mine/ our blessings. It is events like this that remind you that being able to spend a long and happy life with your family is a true treasure. And unfortunately, for some, their lives are cut WAY too short.

It really just makes you realize the important things in life.

I am closing with a remark from Dr. DiPersio’s speech last night. Ashlynn spent many years watching Barney! Luckily, my other 2 children did not take to the big purple guy like she did. However, Dr. DiPersio spoke about a song from the show. Here are the lyrics:

            Everything’s better with a friend like you.

            Everything’s better with a friends like you.

Playing. Pretending. Whatever we do.

It's better with a friend like you.

XOXO Kristin

One-Year: An Update

People often ask me- How do you always have that “my glass is half-full attitude?” It has taken me awhile to arrive at the right answer. And, the truth is… my glass isn’t always half full. Sometimes it’s cracked a little, or maybe even shattered. But when it is that way, I break out the super glue and glue it back together. It still may not be perfect, but it’s always better than it was. Life really isn’t always perfect, or ideal. Sometimes, its down right hard. But, I honestly believe that we get thrown these little curve balls in life, that make us stronger. These little curve balls… they do nothing but change us, mold us, make us into better, stronger, and more beautiful versions of ourselves. That is life!

This last week has reminded me so much about how blessed our family really is. As I get older, I realize that changes can be good, and I have learned to embrace changes… because changes remind me how capable I am.

I am capable of so much! If anything, this past year has taught me so.

However, I still struggle with some things. I have been struggling to be a friend is fully present, a parent who gets on the floor and PLAYS. I struggle with finding the time to work out and also to do things that I enjoy – you know, to be just BE me. And these things are very important to me.

I often find myself overwhelmed by what people need and also what I expected of myself. I have high expectations, people!

We’ve all been there, yes? It’s a topic of conversation for women/ parents/ mothers all over the place.

But some seem to have it figured out better than others. who I yearn to be that woman who is always calm, put together, and with it. The woman who gets to work out early in the morning, the woman who always feeds her kids healthy meals, the woman who always has the dishes done and the flowers watered. And she comes home skinnier than she left and to a house that’s put together and to kids who are ready to see her.

As hard as I tried this summer… I didn’t get that dang lucky. And, I am okay with it. I am okay with it, because I know that I am capable of so much more than the things that I just listed.

These years go by so fast. As much as being skinny, and the “perfect wife” sound like good descriptions, they don’t work for me. Being the mom that made each day count… seems more fitting. So, that is my goal.

Am I boring you to death? Okay… on to the good stuff. We spent last Monday in St. Louis for doctor’s appointments galore. We just passed Daniel’s one-year anniversary of his bone marrow transplant. Things look very different now than they did one year ago. Which, is very much a good thing! So, this is what we know as of today (some tests are still pending). Daniel’s dry eyes are no better, but no worse. He is still cancer free! No signs of any leukemia!!! Yes, to that! Dr. DiPersio seems very happy with how everything looks. Daniel had a bone density scan. The steroid to control the GVHD can be very tough on your muscles and bones. His spine shows mild osteoporosis and right now, there is nothing that we can do to improve it. Maintenance is key.  His immune system is still pretty weak. So, for the next several months, he will be receiving antibodies via IV for 4 hours a setting, once per month. This is very routine for someone like Daniel. No worries there! It would be nice to have him healthier for the upcoming fall/ winter. We have also gotten the okay to immunize Avery and Mia. Avery turns 5 in November and will need her kindergarten immunizations. Mia has not had vaccines since she was 6 months old. I am trying to figure out the best way to go about this, factoring in school, which is making it tough. I would like to get done at the same time. However, Daniel cannot be around them for 2 weeks. If anyone has any ideas on what would be the best way to go about this, I am very open to them.

Other news: Through Be The Match (the service that was used to find Daniel’s match), most recipients of a bone marrow transplant can begin paperwork to establish contact with their donor. Notice, I said most. Unfortunately, Daniel’s donor went through a “sister” agency of Be The Match. The agency that he went through, does not allow contact between donor/ recipient for 2 years, given that both parties agree to the paperwork. However, we can send anonymous letters, cards, etc. to the donor, and hopefully, he will respond by snail mail. While this may seem somewhat disappointing, we are still very excited about the potential relationship that we may have with this guy. Hopefully, I will be able to tell you all about it!

August 18^th, we head to St. Louis for the bone marrow and blood cancer celebration hosted by Siteman Cancer Center. We are very excited to be a part of such a wonderful facility. If you are a friend of mine on Facebook, then you may have seen the exciting things that are happening in regards to research- especially, with Daniel’s physician. Again, we are very blessed to have such a wonderful team of physician’s.

We will wrap up our last week of summer this week. Our summer is almost expired. Ashlynn starts school on Friday. Enjoy your week!

XOXO Kristin

Summer Vacation Part 2

I absolutely love where I live, but lawdhavemercy do I love to get away! We did one of those impromptu trips this past week. You know one of those that involves a text from another mother that says something along the lines of “ We booked our hotel in Orange beach at such-and- such place, during such-and-such time- y’all in?”, and well, YES, we were in! We do what mothers do- we deliver! And, the beach, is one of my most favorite places to visit. So, it wasn’t really that hard of a decision!

(Sisterly love- I am most certain that Avery had her dress on backwards)

And Alabama? This trip? I feel guilty saying things like "We needed this vacation", or, “He needed this vacation”, knowing time away is most certainly, a luxury, but I'm still going to say it. We/He… needed this vacation after the last year that our family has endured. We took a very quiet rest this past week… and it was nice. It was definitely one of those "Wow, this is really happening" moments. Because last year, I would have never dreamed that we would have arrived in this place, ever.

(Picture #2 of 2 with me in it)

People who love each other and talk about being together more often--here we were, in the middle of summer, in the middle of coast--together. And it was pure love!

I can honestly say that I am more relaxed than I've been in a long time, in complete sync with my family, and most importantly, my own mind and spirit. I think that is pretty important for anyone… to aligned with those things. I think this vacation delivered in the way that it was supposed to!

We arrived home last night..all relaxed and so thankful for this time that was spent together!

I've learned there are parts of me that love quiet and calm and relaxed and slow, and there are parts of me that love adrenaline, projects, busy and stimulated. When one part's up to bat, the other one's just benched for a bit, getting ready for his turn. aI think that I have a great team; because, we play well with each other. It is almost adrenaline, project's, busy, and stimulated's turn...

With that said…I am going to enjoy a little bit more of summer laziness for the next few days. Monday… I start checking items off my to-do-list. I thrive on lists, we all know. School is just around the corner y’all! Ashlynn starts August 10^th, and not long after, I start back August 20^th.

Please keep our family, and most importantly, Daniel in your thoughts and prayers in the coming weeks. We head back to St. Louis on Monday, July 30^th for our one- year post- transplant- check-up. Which, inevitably means a whole lot of testing, including a bone marrow biopsy. While, there are no reasons to believe that the cancer is back… it still must be done. One year, my friends! Another birthday of sorts to celebrate! 

The Big Three-Oh...

I am thirty.

and so far… I am happily thirty.



Last night, I took away my twenties and tucked them away, storing them in my mind… all of the happiness and all of the sorrows.

Let me tell you- 20 was easy to box up- me and twenty… we never got along that great anyway- so that goodbye, was every bit easy. Twenty three… that one was tough. Two very important things happened that year- things that would truly change my life forever- giving birth to my first-born and marrying my best friend. I held that one tight in my arms- I had a really hard time packing that one up. Packed that life changing year one away very carefully! Maybe I can visit again someday? Twenty eight… another tough one… thanking it for the events that unfolded, but, glad to see it go. Twenty-eight and I went down with a fight. Twenty nine- what a glorious year that was!

But, once all of the twenties were properly packed up, farewells were said, and stored away appropriately, I was ready to adequately welcome the thirties. Although I can’t see very far into the thirties yet, I am positive that there are many good things to happen. I can already see the great beauty. I’m very sure that with the beauty, there will also be sorrow. However, I can always thank the twenties for giving me the appropriate coping skills to deal with the sorrow, and reap the benefit from the new coping skills, that will be learned in the thirties, right? I also see the enormous amount of growth, challenges, experiences, and love that I will find in the thirties- and, I can’t wait!

And how does one write about such a milestone? I am not really sure, but I am going to try, because I have put much thought into it. I can tell you this- while, you cannot write your past, you can certainly write your present and your future. And, that is what I am going to do.

So, I am going to fill you in on some things that the past thirty years have taught me:

I've learned...that you are the author of your own happiness.

I’ve learned… that strength cannot not be bought nor borrowed. And, it most certainly cannot be found overnight. Instead… it takes years, and I think that I have finally found it!

I've learned...that the best music, you'll never, ever hear on the radio. You must seek it out in other places.

I've learned...that picking up everything and moving to Risco, MO on a whim can reap some of the most beautiful, beautiful rewards.

I’ve learned that there is good in every. Single. Person. You just have to look deep sometimes!

I’ve learned… that family is most certain the most important thing in my life. Should your ship ever capsize… you never, ever let your family go down. Bottom line is- you should never let family be taken granted for- and there is no way that I would be “me” without mine.

I’ve learned… that I love children very, very much.

I ‘ve learned… and witnessed the kind of love that has no words. That life-changing kind of love. And I learned it through marriage and giving birth to three beautiful little girls. This love has given me the ability to have responsibilities, and confidence that I never had before. I have also learned how to give my whole heart…

I've learned...that I believe in God, and feel the presence of him in many events in my life. I also believe that I have the liberty to explore who He is on my own, and that He encourages me to. I feel him more in terms of love or judgment, instead of fear, like I used to. I've also learned that He is oh-so-much bigger and more beautiful than the books written about him. ...and that He can be found, most of the time, in the most prominent places away from church.

I’ve learned the value of good friendships. Although, I am not always the best friend… I still value each and every one of my friendships.

I’ve learned… that accomplishing things that so many people never dreamed that you would ever accomplish… is one of the best feelings in the world!

I've learned...that quality is always better than quantity… and that goes for everything (jewelry, clothes, shoes…)!

I've learned...that snail mail is so much more fun than email.

I’ve learned… how to finally breathe again.

I’ve learned… true happiness, and for THAT… I am very thankful!

...and to think that all of this has been learned in thirty years.

...and there's so much more to learn.

but for now...it’s my thirtieth birthday, and the 4^th of July!

So…

Today, I am enjoying the it's-my-birthday things and celebrating the 4^th of July appropriately! XOXO Kristin

For the Father of My Precious Girls...

Thoughts about Daniel:

I sure wish that I could find the perfect words to describe what kind of a father he is. But the truth is… I cant! He has such a tender heart for the three little souls that he created. Words can not describe what it is like for me- to witness the magical connection that he has with his girls!

It is really hard to write what I think means for him to be a father. Because speaking about Daniel as a the title of father is almost a language of its own. There is nothing like it. If you have never seen him with his girls- you wouldn’t have the full picture. Daniel was extremely blessed with the daddy gene. I know that deep down, he yearned for a little boy. However, there were very different plans for him! Early on, I will never forget the fact that he instinctively knew how to cradle a baby with his bare hands, how to calm a crying baby back to sleep in the middle of the night, and until recently, nurture a feverish child, BUT, nothing compares to his ability to heal his little girls’ broken hearts. He has a way! I am truly a lucky gal, because he is every bit a part of the girls lives as I am. It is teamwork.

I am pretty sure that the three souls that call him Daddy- know how special he is!

I knew that Daniel was a pretty special person long before he became a daddy. But, I am telling you… I witnessed a whole new kind of magic when we found out that I was pregnant with Ashlynn. How, she wasn’t really in our plans yet, but we were thrown a big ole’ curve ball in 2005- but, he was the one who’e eyes filled with great big ole tears and was excited while saying “It will all be fine”, knowing that he was in it for the long run, and that his heart would soon stretch deeper and stronger in a short matter of time. From the first ultrasound, to him spending hours fumbling through instructions while putting the first crib together for his first baby girl which would eventually peacefully sleep all three of his little girls. We all know that he isn’t the most patient when it comes to that kind of stuff- but, its pure magic!

I am so thankful for the journey that we have stumbled upon together. Getting to share it with him- well, I wouldn’t want it any other way! You definitely were made to be a father and I am so glad that you are the father of my children These girls will forever remember your legacy for loving them, molding them into the young girls that they have become and women that one day, sooner than later, they will become, and for always telling them how much you love them.

Happy Father’s Day Daniel! Thank you for being the best father any wife could ever ask for. I know that you will continue to be an amazing father for many years ahead. Most of all-  Thank you for teaching me that life goes on!

Happy Fathers Day to all of the Daddy’s out there.

Some one is turning 7 around here next week- more on that later!

XOXO Kristin