On Compassion

Ever since Ashlynn (my first born) was a very small child, I have strived to always tell her that she, like everyone else born into this world are born as a very unique individual. I have tried to maintain that theory while raising all three of my girls. Never missing a chance to remind them of their unique qualities that they bring to our family, their school, and everywhere else. And, not every person is alike. Each person has a very special “light” of some kind. All of your talents, all of your gifts, all of the joy and enthusiasm that you give to the world, your smile, your courageous laughter, your intriguing ideas, are all so very important. And, those things combined, make you, you. I think life and parenting is all about teachable moments. With our kids, spouses, friends, family. Discovering how can not only use our “light”, but also be a light to one another...everyday is important. And the best thing about your light, is that you have the freedom to turn it up a notch anytime and anywhere! One should never let their light burn out.

Throughout my life, I have tried to uphold a positive perspective. My perspective is honestly, a quality or a “light” that I have been given that has gotten me through many challenges in life. I know that most people my age have not experienced near the amount of challenges that I have in my life at my age. Perspective is everything. It is not a new thought or anything we have not heard before...but it changes everything. How we choose to view what is ahead. The road we are on. The valley we are in or the mountain we are on top of. Regardless, the only thing we can ever control when life goes array and it will go array. Life is how we choose to see it. To embrace it. To dive into it. Will we see hope, light, and joy...or...dark, deep, and scary. Sometimes they are jumbled together into one. I love that freedom because that is real. That is the human heart. The constant dilemma between our head and our heart and how the two join together. I have seen this many times in my life. But, the biggest event that posed the biggest challenge thus far in my life was when my husband Daniel was diagnosed with cancer. Let me tell you, cancer changes lives!

In April 2011, my husband was diagnosed with a very rare form of leukemia. Such a rare leukemia, that he was only given a 1% chance of survival without a bone marrow transplant. After many months of treatment, he received his bone marrow transplant on August 4, 2011. The transplanted cells were harvested from a gentleman that early on, we knew was very special. Today, we have so much admiration for him and believe that he is truly a remarkable person.

When Daniel was diagnosed, my heart shut down and my light immediately went out. I think that it was months my before my heart started beating again and even longer for my light to come back on. So what made my light come back on?

While Daniel was in the hospital we received many gifts- one of which is a book that you may be familiar with. The book- Don’t Waste Your Life, by John Piper. I read the book in its entirety and out of curiosity, researched John Piper one night while in the hospital. What I found was that John Piper is a preacher, and a reputable author who once was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Among some of the work that he has written, has included 10 points that Christian’s diagnosed with cancer should follow.  I won’t get deep into those ten points, but if you want to look them up, they are easily searchable on the internet. He believes and encourages you to believe that cancer is not wasted when its healed by God. It is important to note that he believes that cancer is healed by both medicine and God. My favorite citation from his resource library is the following:

“So not to pray for healing may waste your cancer. But healing is not God’s plan for everyone. And there are many other ways to waste your cancer. I am praying for myself and for you that we will not waste this pain. He gets the glory and that is why cancer exists. So not to pray for healing may waste your cancer. But healing is not God’s plan for everyone. And there are many other ways to waste your cancer. I am praying for myself and for you that we will not waste this pain”.

The tenth point is most definitely my favorite point- and it has always stuck with me: you will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

The night that I read the words within this exerpt, a revelation took over me. I firmly believe that cancer was given to Daniel and I and it is up to us to decide whether we waste it or not. So, today I plan to share with you one part of how I have decided to not waste our cancer by using the “light” that God has given me.

I had to ask myself what I wanted in life. I could choose to be sad, helpless, or anything else similar. Being a positive person a majority of the time, I chose to move on, make the best of what I could, and make a difference somehow with the gifts that I had been given. However, the key thing to the success of my plans was not clear- and that, was my path. How I was going to get there. I didn’t know where to go and I most certainly, felt lost. One night in the hospital, I began to think about what I wanted and what I actually had and how I could combine the two to make something out of them.

What I began to realize is that I have a whole lot of excellent qualities. Yes, my family has certainly faced challenges in life. One of the greatest qualities that I have is that I have a lot of compassion. Now, don’t judge me when I tell you this. But as a young child, I loved Richard Simmons. Not only because of his extreme quirkiness, but more for what he did to help people become healthier individuals. My entire work life has been dedicated to helping people of all ages. As I was thinking about my love for the word compassion, I realized that was what I could offer to the world. To me, the yearning to be compassionate resonates God saying, “HELP! One of my children needs you. Do something!” When I feel compassion, I have to have to ACT upon it. As a nurse, I have learned that Compassion is NOT your heart’s pain in my heart. To me- that’s called pity. Compassion is YOUR HEART’S PAIN INTO MY HEART and it radiates throughout my entire body. Real compassion demands action.

Do you want to know something very special about the word compassion? The first part of the word is compass. We all wonder throughout life without any concise directions. I am a planner. I constantly wonder what should I do next? Where I should turn? What steps I should take? How can I find what I need? My friends, those are normal thoughts.

I use the voice, or the feeling of compassion as my internal compass. With my internal compass- I have found that I can get what I need when I run towards the very things and people and places that need me. With compassion, all that is required of me is to reach out my arms, open my hands and help someone out.

Compassion for others has allowed me to not waste our cancer and most certainty has got us to a place of acceptance of the uncertainty.

I believe that cancer has brought any great opportunities in our life. We have developed many new friendships that would have never of been formed, had cancer not presented itself in our life. The most incredible friend that we have is Dominic, Daniel’s donor. Dominic is a 45 year- old man from Germany. He is married and collectively, he and his wife have 3 children. He is an incredible man! While we communicate through facebook, it is our desire to one day meet him, as he is very special to our family. And, so I introduce Dominic to you:

Personally, cancer has made me a better wife, a better mother, a better friend, and much more compassionate which has ultimately led me into the career of nursing. Our journey through cancer has lended me the courage needed to know that what ever I am doing, whatever I do, wherever I go, and whatever happens, I have a newly developed strength to get through it.

I want to do things that I do not believe that I can do. I want to live life in a fuller, deeper, and richer way. He is strong when we are weak. He gives us everything we need even when we can't see it and we are scared and we feel alone and we not sure what is ahead. I embrace this new perspective. This new view on life- I am oh so thankful for it. Is there still pain and heartache and deep wounds in cancer. YES, of course.

I have many days where I struggle to find ways to nurture my children, and days where I definitely want to undo what I have done, and definitely days where I feel inadequate. I am sure that you have days where you struggle. Throughout all of this, I have learned that you just don’t know as much as you think you do. I constantly find myself always learning and attempting to correct myself along the way. I have found that if you learn to adapt, things will eventually work out. Trying to understand how or why this happened has been a challenge that I still continue to face daily. I constantly worry about our future. The future of my children, what life will look like 5 years from now and so on. Every time that we drive to St. Louis for lab-work and appointments with Daniel’s cancer doctor, I worry. To be honest, I am not sure that those feelings will ever subside.

Today, We have a new life, I have a new job, I have a new school curriculum, Avery started first grade this year, and this year, is the first year that Mia has attended day care by herself. My children are constantly adapting to new, new, new. Sometimes, I feel that all of this combined has left little room for any of my children to grow as they are constantly struggling to adapt. On the other hand, I also find my self very proud of my children because they are doing so well, and growing and developing appropriately.

I can gladly say that I finally feel like I have arrived full circle, and I am right where I need to be. And, I have no idea how I got here other than a supportive community, a positive perspective and the many prayers that I said and the prayers that have been sent up for me. I think that most people worry about their future and their children’s future, so I believe that my thoughts are pretty normal.

Today, I choose to embrace the unknown and the lack of control in life. The fact that things rarely turn out the way we want them too, IS OK. Like other cancer survivors, I choose hope and courage and strength in whatever may come.

Today, I want to challenge you to run towards your family members, or friends, or someone that you have never met. Listen to their stories and look at their pictures. And while you do, please pay close attention to your own body. Notice how you feel. If you feel that familiar tug of compassion, let it be your compass. Let it be the voice that says- TRY IT, GO FOR IT. Give your family members, your friends, or those that you have never met, what they need, AND THEN SEE IF THAT OFFERING RETURNS TO YOU WHAT YOU NEED. I promise you, it will give you what you need. Results aren’t always immediate, and sometimes they take time. Jump in, get involved. See, if just for today, ­offering a stranger radical love provides you with the senses of peace, belonging, joy, and empowerment that you may be searching for. I encourage you to let compassion be your compass today. No matter what challenges you face, please, never dim your light, or let it diminish the least little bit. Don’t ever think that your light is not good enough, for it will shine brightly one day.