“If you want something you’ve never had before, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done before.”
- Diana Reed
I saw this quote, somewhere within the last few days, and I decided to hold on to it. Thinking that I may need it for something.
It was back to regular scheduled programming this week as I packed up my bags, headed out the door on Tuesday, and never looked back. In all honesty- that is how I truly feel. What a whirlwind of a week. I sometimes joke about wanting to run away with the circus. There were days this week, that it really seemed like a grand opportunity- and there was no joking involved, this time. I know that you have those days too.
With my first semester back at school, I fealt like I was at a really weird place in my life. I wasn’t sure if I was fixing to go off the deep- end, or if I was fixing to truly find joy, for one of the first times in my life.
Joy it was. It had to be.
I see so many things that I have never seen about myself. I have met a few friends- that I promise you- will be lifetime friends. These girls- I met when I was probably, at my worst. The best thing- they stuck by my side- offered me feedback that I truly needed, and have stuck by my side from the very first day. Looking back, I was stuck, afraid, and unsure. I am pretty sure that they are responsible for helping me survive- these girls have helped me learn to breathe again. On a side note, Janette, if you want to run away with the circus... I would definitely go with you!
Since school started, I have begun to learn to have a more fulfilling, meaningful life and marriage. It becomes very hard at times. But, this is what I needed. I can tell you that I am truly present in the days of my life and my children’s lives. I guess, through all of this (Daniel’s diagnosis), I have learned things about myself- that have hurt me even more. I constantly, am working on those things. Some of those things- hurrying all of the time… from one thing to the next, being divided between work and home life. Changes…
I am becoming better at multi-tasking. - Not hurrying from one thing to the next- just multi-tasking. I have learned that there is something’s- that well; you just need to let go.
But the best lesson of all: I have learned that I have many flaws, and I am not afraid to tell you about them. Amongst those flaws, I know that no matter how bad I mess up- I always have a second chance.
So what is my point? Here it is. Despite it all, life really is good, and God is good. Although my life may seem that is constantly under construction for the time being, I am finally seeing the results of his craftsmanship, his work. And, while the final work may not be clear for anyone that passes by, we can see it, and that is all that matters. It is beautiful for us and the 5 members of our family.
What kind of life do you want? How are you going to get it?
Daniel update: Hopefully, the virus is finally exiting Daniel’s system. His symptoms are scarce at this point. Lab work this week revealed that his platelets are raising some, liver tests still on the decrease and his hemoglobin is improving. At his last doctor’s appointment, we learned that it is very normal for some of his levels to never be “normal” and it is perfectly fine. That eases things, a little. He will continue to have weekly lab appointments. The next doctor’s appointment is at the end of the month- it will also be bone marrow biopsy time. So, as you know… it becomes quite stressful. No real news… Daniel has begun to get out with his friends a bit- and that is wonderful. You can definitely tell a difference in his spirits and that makes me very happy.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend! XOXO Kristin
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