I am beginning this week’s blog post kind of early… because I really doubt that I will have much time next week. Plus, this blog post is going to take a little more thought.
Last year, on October 1st, I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was rocking my sweet newborn baby- she was about 3 weeks old. Cleaning house, trying to figure out when I could fit in a shower, Ashlynn was at school, Avery at the babysitter’s house, and the phone rings. The name that appears on the phone is “Dad”. I pushed ignore, thinking that it was my usual morning call that I received about 5 times a week. Notice, I already felt some sort of guilt because I hadn’t answered the phone the past few days, because, I was merely “to busy”. A term, that I regretfully, still use, quite often. Anyway, soon after the missed call, I receive a phone call from my Aunt, whom, I hardly ever hear from. The phone call that all daughters dread. My father had passed away in the early morning, no cause known. Daniel was working that fall day. I called him and within hours, we were on our way to Texas to “take care of things”. You would have to know the relationship that I had with my father, to completely understand. Another story.
On October 1, 2005 (six years ago), I said “I do”, in Jackson, Mo. Oh my, was it ever hot that day! Today, September 25, 2011 (6 days short of our anniversary), I still say “I STILL DO. FOR ALWAYS”. Sure there are fancier dresses, and details that I would change. None that include our wedding party- because those guys and gals- still rock! But the promise that we made to each other that day, still hasn’t changed. That is the part, that is important.
Six years ago, I thought that we were invincible, that we would be destined to be together, forever. Today, I know that is very much the truth. On October 1, 2005, I began the best part of the rest of my life, and we are enjoying the journey together. The truth is, that young girl that looked into the brown eyes of her husband, and said “in sickness and in health, I do”, is still here. I’ll always be. Fancy or not. All fixed up, or not. That love that I have for him, is a pure as it was on that very day.
Sure, I wish the circumstances were different, and as much as I try to not think about them, they are still there.
When I think of SWEET Mia, I think of the word “Miracle”. I always wanted a big family, I always pictured a whole bunch of kids (my kids), playing in the yard outside. When Daniel and I got married, I nearly had to have him sign in blood, that he was willing to give me the family I dreamed of. I wanted so dearly to have the 3rd baby, and after much consideration, we conceived (I have no problems getting pregnant, for the record). Daniel wanted to wait a year later (which would have been this year). Anyway, early in my pregnancy, we came very close to losing her. At our 20 week ultrasound, something terrible appeared to be wrong with her heart. Guess what, I delivered a very healthy, big, baby girl. This year, given the circumstances, we were not able to have her 1st birthday party on or near her birthday. This year, it just so happened that we are celebrating her birthday on… you guessed it, October 1.
This weekend, gave me time to breathe. Which, I needed. That rash that I spoke about… it is GVHD. Stage 1, they say. Daniel is headed back in the morning. He will have the rash evaluated. It covers his entire torso, and back. He says that it isn’t bothersome, although, it looks like it is. We have been applying a topical steroid to the area twice daily. Tomorrow, we will see what the next step looks like. He could possibly be hospitalized, although, I am thinking positive, and that he will not need to be. It hasn’t spread to any other locations-which is a good thing. This rash could be good. Having GVHD means that if there are any residual cells, the donor cells should be recognizing that they are “bad” and attacking them. His liver issues- were most likely caused by GVHD, now that we have a rash to prove it. There is still no set date as to when he may be home for good.
I am managing. I am balancing. I am making bad choices. I am making good choices. Balance is hard, but I am trying. Here is to a good week- y’all. Oh yeah, those tests that I had last week- that “fried” my brain- passed both of them- with flying colors. XOXO Kristin
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