Please Tell Me, You Have Days Like Mine

Plans scare me. Right now, I am a better email/text friend, than I am a real friend. Sad! I think that I need to hide less in the technology land, and more in the floor playing with my kids. However, the ding of a text message, or the facebook chat, pretty much is my way of being social these days.

I have always been a fearless, ready for a challenge, kind of gal. One of my pitfalls was relying on Daniel. What his diagnosis has taught me, it to be strong and capable, and to rely less on other people. That, is something that I continue to work on, daily.

This is how my week has gone: CRAZY! It seems like I am not able to catch a breath. My days go a little something like this: school, study, kids, dinner, baths, study. Sleep (for very few hours). I can’t catch a break- to even breathe. When Daniel is home, the schedule is very much the same. Screaming baby… all of the time.  I feel horrible, because I hope for Daniel to help me out on the weekends, just a little. I think that I truly take for granted the fact that I am the one that gets to be home with my children, every single night, and he is the one that doesn’t have that very luxury. Practically raising 3 children on your own, is tough, my friends. I never thought that I would ever be doing this, especially, at 29 years old. I look forward to having Daniel back home. Not only helping with our children, but more so, having my partner home. I dread going to bed at night, knowing that he isn’t sleeping next to me. Sure, we talk on the phone, but it isn’t the same. Even though we are married, I feel so alone. I think that it is finally taking a toll on me.  Last night, I washed my WHITE uniforms, dried them, with red Chap Stick. 6 washes later, they were acceptable to wear to school. It is stuff like that, that absolutely makes me want to scream.

Numbness and sadness.

You see, I have never been one to give up, and I refuse to let these little things in life, make me give up.

I’m looking forward to fall break. It is about a month away. There are windows that need to be cleaned, closets to be cleaned out, and other things that have been completely put on the back burner that need to be done.

Anyway, on to Daniel.  We are still dealing with the GVHD issues. His liver enzymes are not lowered to the comfortable point. He had another change in prescription, hoping that this will do the trick. Lab tests are scheduled in the morning. Hoping, he comes home this weekend. He sees his physician on Monday. Some possibilities that may occur, if the liver enzymes do not show improvement include: Liver biopsy, or drawing a good amount of blood out of his body (the idea is that due to all of the blood transfusions, there is an enormous amount of iron in his system, causing the problem).  I guess that we will see. My calculations pointed this week to be “coming home week” for him. Big let down, I guess. It sure doesn’t seem like it will be happening soon.

Please continue to offer your prayers to him, us… We sincerely appreciate every one of them. As I have mentioned before- Chin Up Kristin, chin up! XOXO Kristin