Knocking the Cobwebs Off...

Suppose I told you that I sat across from Ashlynn's teacher this week at parent teacher conferences and was told that she is pretty much, a fantastic child. She is reading well above the 1st grade level, and pretty much has it going on, and wants to help anyone and everyone. Of course, we always have known that she is something truly special. But it is a constant state of surreal with Ashlynn.

Daniel and I were talking last night with some dear friends about how we wanted so badly for that child to get some hair when she was a baby- she was nearly 3 before I could even put a real hair-bow in her head. Yesterday, after many months of begging, she got a perm. Holy cow. Where has the time gone?

Suppose I told you that SHE makes me very proud!

Suppose I told you that Avery needs speech therapy badly. She was screened and it was definitely confirmed. We have known it for a while, just hoped that it might correct itself. She is boy-crazy (high school boys, I might add), wants blue highlights in her hair and has proclaimed that she wants her belly- button pierced. She is only 4. You should see this girl dance. Are we doing something wrong here? I wonder daily what her teenage years will endure- scary huh?

Suppose I told you that Mia loves crackers and m&m's, and eats them so much that you could consider it her own personal food group.  She is stubborn and independent! Daniel says that she acts like me through and through! We took her to the pediatrician this week because she is 18 months old and still isn't talking. She mumbles words, but says  nothing. Most people say "well her sisters do the talking for her, don't worry". The pediatrician told us that she is definitely, at least 50% delayed with her speech. We learned that a 9- month old should communicate better than she does She is currently having a few tests run to rule out any medical conditions that could be effecting her speech. "considering what your life has been like this past year...", is what the pediatrician told us. I'm not sure if that comment was supposed to make the situation better.

Even though they make me sweat at times... Parenthood is so worth it!

What I am getting at, is that considering the "hell- year" that we have endured,  these developmental things seem so petty. Last year, I would have been devastated and afraid to learn these things about my children. It's funny because I tell people to not borrow trouble frequently. Yet, I tend to do it myself. But I have learned to do it in moderation. You can choose to live or be afraid. And I choose to live. Although I would be lying if I told you that I am not afraid. I do live in some fear of the future.

We are not granted the life that we imagined for ourselves. I'm not trying to instill fear in you. I am just trying to encourage you to LIVE your life. Take nothing for granted. I was given the chance to see just how quickly life can change.

Change, has thrown us a big ole' learning curve. There have been a lot of tears, a lot of questioning, a lot of self- doubt, and a whole lot of begging God to make it better. We are learning a new way of life that neither one of us thought that we would ever have to learn. This process has given us so much more than the sum of its parts. We are rolling with it with the intentions of growth- physically and mentally.

With change, I realized something a few weeks ago-  I’m completely scatterbrained. This self-realization was confirmed this week. I'm a normal person. I make mistakes- many of them, daily. I don't have it all together. My house is chaotic, which makes things even harder.  I have been on spring break this week. Well, if that's what you want to call it. I've spent all but 2 days studying. I sure hope the payoff is worth all of the sacrifices that I am making. It's a daily struggle for me. This semester has required a whole lot more studying which has made me miss out on my children's daily life and I live in a constant reminder that I fell like I am really not adequately enough of a mom right now. I'm their mom and I want to be enough. It sucks when you figure out that you're not.

I also realize that this semester is halfway over, which means 8 more weeks of class! Summer will soon be here and plans of fun are already scheduled. I plan on reacquainting with my children ASAP. This summer will be very rewarding. I'm attempting Sea World with great company and that itself- is exciting!

I have waited to update you guys on Daniel because he had an appointment in St. Louis on Wednesday and I didn't want to jinx a thing. His white cell counts were elevated a little. Don't be scared. He has a bit of a cold that most likely is the culprit as well as a reoccurring abscess. Antibiotics were started, and in 2 weeks, if the cold isn't better or it gets worse, the nurse practitioner wants to scan his sinus cavities for a fungal infection. Fungal infections and influenza are the utmost risk for Daniel. Remember, he has no immune system. He will also visit with the colon/rectal physicians to evaluate the abscess since it is reoccurring. The downfall of this is that early on we were told that if this happened, surgery would be the next option. The nurse practitioner mentioned that he is not the best candidate for a surgical procedure. Hopefully, The issue has potential to be resolved in another way besides surgery. His platelets have continued to improve.  

In the midst of it all, I was reassured that he is doing extremely well for his circumstances- and that makes things somewhat easier.

Even though my blogs seem more spaced out... I hope that you still enjoy reading them and I thank each and every one of my loyal readers for hanging in. XOXO Kristin