When you Have Dreams as High as Mountains...

When I first started to think about committing to the RN program, I had many people close to us, questioning the rationale behind my decision. Many people wondered how I could go back to school, and leave my sick husband in St. Louis, all by himself. How could I do that? No answer seemed to be the right one. Only Daniel and I knew, that this was indeed, the right thing to do for our family. Only us. Many conversations had taken place in the prior weeks , in regards to the situation. But the truth is… for the last 6 years, I have pushed, worked at a job that I absolutely dreaded going to, daily, worked at a job that I loved, but when you have dreams as big as mountains, you simply have to pursue them.  Plus, we have had three little girls, who painfully, wondered, where in the heck their parents were. There for them via phone, and visits, here and there. For most of the last 4 months, it has been just me and the girls. I have missed a vast majority of Mia’s first year. I will admit, major milestones, such as walking, I witnessed. Daniel also witnessed the first steps. However, I knew that it was time for a change, in a big way.

So here I am. Daniel in St. Louis. Oh yeah, I am minus one child this week. Do you suppose that is making things easier? Nah… I miss her and so do her sisters! Avery stood behind with her daddy this week. This is somewhat important. He needed her, more than she needed him. She is such a daddy’s girl. Anyway, back to my story…  This last week or so has been tough. But, when you are me… you are used to juggling balls- many of them. So what is one more? I am still trying to figure out the “correct” way to study. I am convinced, that if I would have studied like this the first time around, in college, I maybe, could have graduated with a 4.0. No joke.

For many days, in the last few months., when I would close my eyes, everything would be black. Somewhere, that light that I once had in my eyes, burned out. I’m not sure when, but, it did. I have cried, oh have I cried. It is only natural. On my trips to and from the hospital, every song, made me cry. Because, all that I could think about was Daniel. Why is is that every song- has some sort of tie to him? Some days, I was better off, to not listen to the radio. My friends… good thing that they choose to answer all of my phone calls. They, are what make my drive home- simpler.

I peeked in Daniel’s closet today. I choose not to look in there. It saddens me. You all have no idea how much I miss him. I can’t wait until he comes home. But for the first time, it didn’t sadden me. All that I could think about was “geez, I need to put his clothes away, clean this up, clean that up”, because, he will be home shortly. I have never had the ‘umph” to put them away.

Sitting in class today, I was talking to one of my classmates. She was asking me about Daniel, as many of them do. She mentioned that she, one, prayed for me and my family over the weekend, and two, said “I do not know how you do everything, and still have a smile on your face”. That got me to thinking. Today, I can tell you this. If starting school has given me a little stress… I will take it. For the first time in a long time… I think that I have that sparkle. Doing something for myself, for once, has given me that sparkle. For anyone of you who know me, and I don’t mean in the virtual world, but really know me… you know what that sparkle is.  Finally, doing something for my self, because I want to, not because I need to.

As for a Daniel update. I know that maost of you are not reading these blogs because you want to hear my ramblings… you simply, want a Daniel update. Here it goes. Daniel got released last Friday, is living in St. Louis on Flyer street, near the hospital. We had a fabulous weekend. He is feeling quite well. Labs were within range today. Has a few more lab draws this week. Sees his Nurse Practitioner, this week. Is doing remarkably well. The whole Presley crew, will invade this weekend. That little house, will have an outpouring of love this weekend.

Please continue to include our family in your prayers. I don’t have to tell you how much they are helping, because, you are witnessing it before your very eyes. Over the weekend, we visited that flea market that I wrote about a few weeks ago. There, we picked up some movies for the ride home. Two Bucks, baby, gets you any new release you want- pirated, but, they still work. This week, the picks were Smurfs, and Winnie the Pooh. I didn’t watch either of them, but I could hear them. So, in closing, I want leave you with one of my very favorite quotes from Winnie the Pooh. Think about it. 

Piglet: "How do you spell love?"

Winnie the Pooh: "You don't spell it. You Feel it."

Until next time, XOXO Kristin